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The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intentions January 3, 2010

Posted by wanderinggrizzly in 20 Something.
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So my title is a popular saying but in this particular instance I stole it off one of the blogs on the opening page.  In there blog they were talking about Afghanistan while I’m talking about my sideshow of a life.  Self-absorbed?  A tad vulgar?  Yes of course, but what do you expect in the blogosphere?  I have always interpreted this saying to mean that while people might start out having but nothing but the most positive and beneficial of thoughts they can still do great harm.  Currently I feel that perhaps the definition of this saying is more that you can have the best of intentions, you can do everything you believe is right and good and still be miserable, still end up dead last.

My New Year’s took a bit of a derailment.  To celebrate the New Year I had two choices, one was to stay in Raleigh by myself, run a 5k at 11:30pm on the 31st and spend the following few days alone continuing to get my life in order.  The second was to accept the invite extended by my one of my old college roommates to join the festivities on the Eastern Shore of Maryland.  Fearing the inevitable loneliness and self-pity that would accompany a holiday spent alone, I opted for the crab drop in MD.

Events started out quite well actually, much to my surprise.  Paris has mellowed out a lot with this new boyfriend, Siegfried.  He is quite nice and an excellent host.  Her hometown group of friends is literally a chorus line and is full of divas both male and female brimming over with snarky comments and cutthroat commentary.  It was lovely.  Despite my wearing heels for maybe the fifth time in my life, barhopping through the quaint and lush town was really enjoyable.  Both alcohol and sass were flowing freely and my usual skin of awkwardness and shyness quickly melted away.

To make things more interesting my single self immediately became smitten with one of Siegfried’s friends.  Fortunately for my recently declared celibacy he is not single so therefore all my then ensuing awkwardness was purely for the enjoyment of my best friend/current roommate, Flannery, who was also an old college roommate.  At least I perceived she caught on to my torture due to the looks she shot me when we met the girlfriend.  The girlfriend is very cute and seems plenty nice and intelligent.  She won a few hands at Apples-to-Apples and laughed at some of my inappropriate and offensive jokes.  So Thursday and Friday were absolutely lovely days and evenings full of repressed 20-something shenanigans.  Saturday was following suit.  The manly men went out to shoot birds and we women-folk slept in, drank coffee and chatted.  As the men had a successful reunification with their hunter instincts we ladies were able to channel our inner fifties house wife and started baking and preparing an ensuing feast.  Of course whenever I am cooking it is usually followed by heavy drinking.  So by the time the guys got back with their birds plucked and butchered  I was pretty wasted.  Fortunately it didn’t take long for everyone else to catch up with me.  After reaching this level of intoxication there was much conversation with Smitten as he had lived in Montana and also grew up with horses.  I dare say there was legitimate flirtation (although he is a nice boy so is cordial with all the ladies but while my Social IQ might not be incredibly high I am not socially retarded and can usually tell when someone is attracted to me).  Anyway it was at this point in the evening I sought out Flannery to lament his attachment and therefore my peril of never having orgasms ever again (after a bottle of champagne these connections are made quite easily).  To which she quickly responded “he has a girlfriend” where I confirmed no lascivious action would be committed on my part and I flitted to other groups at the party.  There were about a dozen of us there and a really fun group so while I mourned the loss of my sex life I was still enjoying myself.

Smitten still engaged me in conversation but I found polite ways to disengage but eventually I began to notice Flannery always being with Smitten.  They took smoke breaks every 20-30 minutes.  At one point I saw she was getting her coat on and wanted to come with her to talk to her but as soon as she Smitten join us she withdrew her offer of a cigarette because I am training for a marathon (even though before this moment every time she smokes she offers me one).  And then when dancing began while he danced with everyone I noticed she always collected him again and the dancing was not PG.

What?  Seriously?  “Oh he has a girlfriend Grizz he’s off limits for you” but not to the speaker apparently. Did I mention while this was going on I was cleaning up someone’s puke and escorting a fellow partier who probably outweighs me by at least 100 pounds upstairs to his bed where I also set him up with water?  Also did I mention how the previous night we were real judgmental towards a girl who had introduced us to her boyfriend earlier in the evening and when he didn’t come to the party she then became real skanky with some other guy?  (Like sitting on his lap and attempting to do heel stretches).  But the behavior is acceptable if you’re not the one in the relationship.

So I’m thinking that maybe my imagination is just paranoid so I started being real observant.  If Smitten ever sat by me, Flannery was sure to follow on the other side or suggest a smoke break.  As people start to leave I am faced with the decision of going to bed or staying downstairs to see where things go.  I made it until about 4am.  Then I decided that our friendship was way more important than pursuing a guy neither of us may ever see again so I went upstairs to the room Paris and Siegfried had set up for Flannery and I.  I hoped Flannery would make the same decision.

She didn’t.