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Deficit of 11 Miles January 25, 2010

Posted by wanderinggrizzly in 20 Something, Life, Marathon Training, Quarter-Life Crisis.
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i.e. I was supposed to run 28 miles this week and only put in 17.

This was a tough running week.  It started out pretty strong with a really nice 4 mile run, where I picked up the pace and felt really good.  For my next run, six miles, I simply did not want to do it.  I was sick of running, sick of training for a marathon and I just did not feel like it.  I still did it.  Usually when I’m feeling negative after I get into the rhythm of the running things take a 180 but this time it didn’t.  With each step I became more irritable and more annoyed.

When I woke up the next day I felt sick.  We’ve been having wet weather here in Raleigh and I think that’s put me a bit ‘under the weather.’  I was also having some pain in my right quad again.  Looking at my work schedule as well as the weather forecast I decided to switch the order of my long run and short run.  In actuality I ended up taking three days off from running.  Between my quad and my sniffles I felt like I was over-training a bit and decided to take a bit of a break.  Friday I went out and bought new running shoes as mine are a year old and starting to actually get holes in them.  I hoped this would give me both a mental boost and help out my quad.  It sort of did.  I wanted to do my long run yesterday but half way through I realized I wouldn’t be able to finish and make it to work on time.  So I only ran 7 miles as opposed to 14.

And hit a mental low.

Part of the mental training in the Non-Runner’s Guide is to attach “…it doesn’t matter” to doubts.  I.E.  “I don’t want to run, it’s raining… it doesn’t matter.”  So I tried to do this here but kept coming back to, if I’m late for work, I might get fired and I don’t want to start a 4-12am shift after a 14 mile run without proper time to rehydrate/refuel.  The consequence of this was an almost tearful drive back to the apartment where all I thought about was how my failure of this week means I will not be able to run a marathon and therefore not be able to change my life.  It’s so frustrating how now I can finally stop worrying so much about finances and instead of feeling good my conscious just goes to something else to fret over.

Especially frustrating was that I am starting to marathon train in other aspects of my life like I outlined last week.  I tried eating right this week.  I did alright, I carbo loaded on the day before what I thought was to be my long run.  I ate lots of veggies (well mostly lots of brussel sprouts yum 🙂 ) and tried limiting my caffeine and alcohol.

So this week isn’t a total wash.  I still get to enjoy my Sunday Mornings (leisurely coffee, CBS Sunday Morning, crossword, blogging and a somewhat productive internet surfing session) and I do feel better about this week’s running performance.  I need to respect my body and this is just one week out of 18 that I am training.  With a little extra push this week I can make it up and I have a yoga training instructor course this week so hopefully that will help my focus.  Which reminds me that I need to practice my breathing techniques this week in preparation.  Also depending on time/money I might start going to a hot  yoga class.  There is a ‘free’ studio close to where I live and I’m hoping I might be able to swing going once or twice a week (it’s a suggested 10-15 dollar donation per class.)

So while I am disappointed in my week this week I am trying not to let it get to me.  I still have 10 weeks to go (!) and while this past week and this upcoming one might be a little shaky with scheduling, I am confident I can get back on track.  (Also I did my weekly weigh in and those extra pounds I gained last week are gone surprisingly, thank heaven for small motivators.)


2010 Invitations January 9, 2010

Posted by wanderinggrizzly in 20 Something, Quarter-Life Crisis, yoga.
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Here I am being all mopey and low.  Trying to figure out if the way I am handling life is the right thing to do or just the easiest.  Fighting the ‘flight’ instinct as hard as I can.  Feeling betrayed by one closest to me and not being able to turn to anyone else as my social web is almost entirely entwined… when out from Cyberspace I suddenly get a bundle of good tidings.  Some from strangers, some from acquaintances of varying degrees.  They all immensely cheered me up.  Granted it’s sometimes easier to be kinder to a total stranger than a loved one but it reminded me that sometimes when all you really want to do is shut down you should open yourself up to the universe and good things will come in.  So this gave me a new idea on how to frame my 2010 resolutions.  Instead of resolving to change things (the ‘re’ of resolve kind of bothers me, since it means ‘again’ which implies trying again, or having to try again when what I want it a fresh start), I am going to invite those attributes that I want into my life.  So hear they are, Grizzly’s invitations for 2010.

I invite Connections:  People are important to me.  While I am introverted I still love talking and learning from others.  I also realize networking is more important than ever in our society.  I am going to make more of an effort to cultivate the relationships in my life.  I’m planning on doing it the old fashioned way; Letter-writing.  I’ll set up a facebook status inviting anyone who wants to receive a lovely handwritten letter from me should send me their address.  Hopefully I’ll have some takers and who knows perhaps it could turn into something really big like Person A wants a job and Person B knows someone hiring etc etc.

I invite Health.  I want to continue to nurture my body.  Through just 5 weeks of training for a marathon I’m already amazed at what I am accomplishing.  I’d like to run 3 marathons in 2010.  I also just signed up for my first Yogafit instructor training session.  Beyond that I want to keep testing my physical abilities, hike more, try rock climbing, learn how to rope.

I invite Fight: This one sounds negative but it’s not so much conflict as it is bravery.  I am passive aggressive.  I want to encourage myself to be more assertive, to stand up for myself when patronized and call someone out when they are bullshitting.  Yogajournal did a great article on Warrior Pose a few months ago.  I’ll start exploring the different variations in my own yoga practice and find out what kind of ‘warrior’ I am supposed to be.

I invite Openness: This is probably my overall theme for 2010.  I want to be open to new experiences, new relationships, new ideas.  I don’t want to be afraid of them anymore.  At least once a month I’ll seek out a new experience and/or do something I am scared of.  Anyone have any life changing experiences they want to offer?

I invite Release:  I can forgive but I can never forget.  My life has been beautiful but I carry around so much unnecessary baggage.  I want to let go of these things.  I will start a daily meditation practice and hopefully this will help me drop some of this weight I’ve been carrying.  One of my favorite songs is “Dog Days Are Over” by Florence and the Machine.  One of the lines go “Leave all your love and your loving behind you, you can’t carry it with you if you want to survive.”